I think my gf just tried to break up with me via a bloody sms message, what has the world come to. "U R dmpd, I kping ure dvds" Yeh Nice.

I get the distinct feeling that my girlfriend and I are going to break up, which sucks a bit for me because I really quite like her, but its cool for you lot because I'll post photos of her naked when we do.

I did some freaky cool shit in a nightclub last week in Sheffield that I've forgotten to mention. I'll tell ya all about it when I'm feeling a little more chirpy.

Our sofa at work is way too relaxing, people sit on it for just a few minutes, and end up there all day. They can't seem to help it. Personally I think the sofa is some kind of natural source of carbon monoxide, binding to the hemoglobin molecules in our blood.

When I was young I thought hemoglobin's lived in the garden waiting to lynch you and tried to drink your blood though your heart, and favoured 80s bisexual musicians as their Master. I was a difficult child.

I just read Sporks diary, and that she's mentioning lots of lame musak to make me sign it all day. Sadly it didn't work, for a sadder reason tho. I was still singing 99 red baloons from yesterday. In fact its worse, Scaramanga is singing it now, and we've been playing the cd this morning too. Damn you.

Scara is translating the German.

Life feels good. I don't think people realise how important life is to them, until someone schedules your death 3 weeks in advance.

According to our calendar here at work, I was supposed to die yesterday, which I didn't which, so I guess things are working in my favour. I pointed out to Scaramanga, who more than likely was responsible for pre-planning my demise, that if I had in fact died at all, he would be considerably shocked. And everyone who knew he had predicted it, would also be shocked, not to mention suspicious.

He'd probably feel inclined to try and explain this to my parents at my funeral, or at least sit there refusing to feel inclined. And all my friends would be staring at him, knowing he should say something, and being suspicious, and him, knowing they know, watching them staring at him, employing squinty suspicious eye movements to explain to him from across the graveyard in no uncertain terms that he should indeed feel inclined, and my mom and dad crying because they won't get any rent from me anymore, and my brother crying because he feels bad that he realised he can have my allow wheels and my camcorder now, and my cat sat at home meeeowing wondering why she hasn't been fed yet....

I digress...

DOWNAGE

More downage, yes, we know. Some bright spark decided the dns server that had been sat in its place for something in the region of 4 years, reaching uptimes of 90 days at a time (a record for an NT server), never once having much difficulty in resolving any of my domains, needed removing and replacing with a Linux box running a mail daemon that can't even successfully transfer diddly from any other server unless its running the same software. These sound suspiciously like Microsoft tactics to me.

Anyway, on with the show.....

Fucking moron technical staff. "Ooh look I've discovered how to add rules to the router for the first time in 8 years, lets add a bunch of rules in such a manner that everything breaks because I don't have a clue what I'm doing. Well it wasn't my fault, there aren't enough icons, what is a host mask anyway? Where am I?"

Douglas Adams died on Friday at the age of 49 of a heart attack. I'm totally and utterly gutted. That man changed my view on life from a very early age, and his books have probably been the single most important inspiration for geek-ware (I knew I'd never get around to writing a book in his style, so I settled for shorter, articles). The world is a much more serious place now, and he surely will be missed.

All I need now is for John Cleese to shuffle off this mortal coil and this world will be comedically close to empty. Feel free to email or submit any Douglas Adams tributes and maybe I'll compile a bunch of them together and do a little article. *tears*

The only situation I can think of that is worse than being a member of the human race, is having to drive to work in my car surrounded by them on a morning. Being a total idiot is one thing, but a total idiot in 1.5 tonnes of metal and plastic filled with petrol moving at 30mph is a whole different one. One much more likely to end up on the front page of the morning papers with an inset photo of whatever it was they did in their petrol filled metal and plastic machine whilst going 30mph. An inset that would make a Necrophilliac cringe at the thought.

The human race indeed, nobody is winning and my nippples have started to bleed.

Yip, ok, nearly fully back up now. The folks at my ISP realised beefcake was a benefit to them in lots of ways and finally put him back (yes HIM Martin!)

I'm still looking for a new place to host geek-ware, somewhere more stable, where people actually know what they're doing.