Top 6 coolest things Lydia can do, now she'll be living in Europe:

For you sticklers out threre, yes, alcohol withdrawal would usually mean the subject had *not* been drinking. But in most cases it tends to mean they had not been drinking *enough*. I am in no way questioning Lord* Shaking Stevens' alcoholic tendencies, nor am I saying he can't take his booze.

Rockabilly music star Shaking Stevens got charged with drunk driving over Christmas. Apparently he was easy to spot on account of his derilium tremens*

I got a jay and silent bob comic for Christmas from Pimsole which is very groovy, and a space hopper which serves as a great foot rest.

I got Spork a 'Big Brother' DVD because I thought she was *that* lame, but it turns out she hates it too. So for Christmas from me, Spork got back the respect points I'd deducted for 'Big Brother' loving earlier in the year.

For Christmas I also got whiplash from a nice boy who hadn't quite got aquainted enough with his brake pedal as maybe he should have and didn't find it in time when it actually came to the crunch. The crunch was his car ploughing into the back of mine after I stopped for a pedestrian. Damn pedestrians. So a new car may well be on its way to little ol' me. Merry Christmas everyone.

Since Scaramanga hasn't got his act together yet and started writing Christmas Haikus I'll try myself. I'm sure my entirely terrible attempts last year year annoyed him enough to write one everyday in the hope I would stop, so maybe it will work this year too.

Christmas time again
I wonder if I'll get laid
It's unlikely

I see Santa's Elves.
They scatter when they see me,
with my shiny axe.

Santa Claus is dead,
and no one cares. If there is
a hell, I'll be there.

One of our clients asked me if I liked girls yesterday. It threw me a little but I thought I'd better answer quickly. "Some of them" I answered. I told him that it threw me a little but I thought I should answer quickly and he laughed, loudly.

Bummer for Spork with the job thing. She shouldn't worry about it really though, as she is intelligent, enthusiastic, not too short and she has boobs. She can easily get pay rises.

Working on a Saturday. Lots to do. Shouldn't really be building an MP3 server. Jay and Silent bob will be performing for my pleasure tonight too.

Top 5 excuses from Taleban soliders why they didn't fight to the death and surrendered instead

One of my fish was apparently killed and eaten by the snail last night. I arrived this morning to find the snail smugly munching away on its fishy carcass. I'm not sure whether it was Splish or Splosh, his dog tags are too small to read.

Quite updates: I've been ill. It's my birthday on Saturday. I have a new superman comic. I got sent an old Kylie Minogue video. I've discovered radio. I have lots of video editing to do. I've hurt my thumb playing tony hawks on playstation. I'm going to make slightly more than no effort to learn Italian. I'm tired.

I'm also *this* much closer to upgrading geek-ware to phpnuke, which will no doubt be hacked within 30seconds of install due to it being so badly written, but I won't be quite so stupid with file permissions as some people. And I backup. Remotely. Daily.

Contrary to popular (Plimsoles) belief I am not dead.

All my life, well all of my life I can remember, my dad has told me to tie my shoe laces because I'll trip over them and hurt myself. "Pppphft" I though to myself. The other day I, for the first time ever I believe, actually tripped over my lace as I was standing up, fell over and hurt my knee. I'm thinking I just cancelled out all those few seconds of spared time throughout my life I've managed to build up by not stopping to tie my laces. I'm walking a fine line now. I've got to somehow manage to balance not tying my laces, with the fact that if I fall again in the next 20 years I will have wasted precious time.

I'm now under the impression I've just wasted all that time writing this diary entry. Still, it's more interesting than talking about Love apple girl. She's just a marijuana-crack-wh0re anyway. Apparently.

I did some crazy ass technical stuff with beefcake so Geek-Ware might be faster now. All I need to get around to now is the 'upgrade'.