Some people call me the space cowboy,
Some call me the gangster of love,
Some people call me Maurice,

But they're all just odd.

Why didn’t they let NSYNC Lance go into space? He would have been perfect on the Columbia. All his little Texans fans could have had a souvenir of his trip too.

Top five alternatives for the lyric “Baby, it’s cold outside”

1. Baby, it’s FUCKING FREEZING outside
2. Baby, global warming will have an upside
3. Baby, my testicles’ve retreated back inside
4. Baby, it’s your turn to clean out the litter tray. And shut the gate while you’re at it, I always have to do it because you hate when it bangs in the wind. I’m not going outside in this weather, not when I’ve got my slippers on. I’ll slip down the icy steps and fall on my backside.
5. Baby, it’s… what? No, stop bitching at me. That’s all I hear all day. Wah, wah, wah. First from my boss and then from you. I’m not cleaning out that dumb tray. She’s your cat so that’s your poop to clear up. And *I* didn’t leave the gate open. It’s always you when you’re swanning in without a care in the world, forgetting things like shutting the gate or wiping your shoes on the mat. Do you know how often I have to hoover in here to get rid of all the mud that you traipse in? And what about me? Aren’t I just as likely to slip down the steps as you? I’m in my socks, not your fancy-smancy slippers so I’ll get colder and am more likely to slip. Do you ever look at it from my side? huh, my side?

Walking past a McDonalds today, I saw a sign announcing that they now only use free range eggs in the Egg McMuffin.

Well, that's aswayed all my fears about their food and its manner of production then. Nothing to worry about now.

War, HUH!, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing -

Except oil. Which will, of course, be "held for the benefit of the Iraqi people". By "held", I presume, Powell means "used to increase America's contribution to world's carbon emissions". And by "Iraqi people", he means "those goddamn commie-homo-hippy Muslim bastards". And by "benefit", he means, "hahaha, fuck you."

http://www.legodeath.com - my favourites are occupational hazard/cannonized and domestic incidents/it's probably just the wind

I spent last weekend building a huge Lego landscape in my living room, encircling the Scaletrix set I got last Xmas. In the middle of the loop, we had a little minifig town with a 'snack bar', hospital, tower block and a couple of homes. My friend wanted to build a Lego whore house but we ran out of bricks.

We smashed it up on Sunday evening after I won the racing too many times. Next time we're going to start with the whore house I think.

Today's vitamin of choice: C

I was away from the office on Friday and somehow both my mug and my post-its have gone missing from my desk. Even the guardmould on mug didn't stop its vicious theft.

Not only have I been deprived of caffeine all day, I've been deprived of the ability to use little yellow notes to tell everyone where I've gone when I've gone to find/buy a new mug.

Today's mid-afternoon snack: 2-finger Kit-Kat and a mini Toblerone.

Aerated milk chocolate contains cocoa solids 25% minimum, milk solids 14% minimum and vegetable fat in addition to cocoa butter. Ingredients: Sugar, Dried whole milk, Cocoa mass, Cocoa butter, Whey powder, Vegetable fat, Lactose, Emulsifier (Lecithin), Dried skimmed milk, Flavouring.

It's the 11.0g of fat, 22.4g of carbohydrate, and 2.6g of protein that makes it so delicious.

Today's clothing colours: black (trousers, fleece & socks), maroon (shirt) and navy (pants).

Got a new desk toy this week to "sculpt away my stress". Many, many hours lost.

Today's target of irrational dual adoration/abhorration: magnetism

Apparently, on average, every year 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens - which may explain why I never find a one when I need to write something down. Another case in point for graverobbing if I ever heard one. Bagsies first dibs with the shovel.

Today's beverage of choice: black coffee with two sugars.