I fell down the stairs again. It's something I do. See, these stairs are quite steep and for some reason they've been covered with a slippery carpet. Not the greatest idea in the world maybe, but for now I'm stuck with it. Of course this is carpet that I've inadvertently inherited rather than being carpet I've selected myself. A bumbling fool I may be but I pride myself on being the kind of bumbling fool who's not so bumbling he doesn't know right from wrong when it comes to staircase upholstry. However, I am fool enough to slip and fall over on the stairs all the bloody time.

Despite this slightly reckless disposition, I've managed to avoid serious injury so far. I ascribe this Bruce Willis-in-Unbreakable style skill to my relative suppleness and usual state of (ahem) advanced relaxation at the time of disaster. It's an idea I'm thinking of passing on to the safety people in the motoring and airline industries.