Bush quickly condemns the footage stating it breaks the Geneva Convention on the treatment of PoW's. If you didn't catch Bush stuttering half-way through his sentence, here it is again:
"The eraquee treatment of the pee-oh-dubbleyahs is a clear breach of the geneva convenshon. We expect, erm, for them to be treated, erm, just like we treat the pee-oh-dubbleyahs that we captured."
Oh, so you'd expect them to be tied up, tortured, beaten, blind-folded and paraded round on rusty stetchers just like you did with the prisoners at camp X-Ray? Oh, that's right, you redefined those prisoners so they weren't considered PoW's and thus didn't fall under the Geneva Convention. Maybe Saddam should take a leaf out of your book you evil fuck.

Terry Lloyd, a veteran war reporter is believed dead:
In a tragic accident; coalition forces are found to have shot and killed ITN news reporter Terry Lloyd despite their truck having the letters 'TV' printed on all sides of the vehicle. I guess they were texan, or Bush supporters; either way, completely illiterate, which would explain the assasination, erm, accident.

Missiles misfire:
Reports claim 2 missiles misfire and land in Turkey, other stations also report misfires landing in Iran. How the americans conspire to miss a target with an area of 438,317 sq km defeats me also.

Words Redefined:
For those of you not up with the new Bush/Blair jargon here it is. The 'Coalition' is us; they can't really say 'allied forces'; since that would indicate some sort of UN lead force which would make this thing wholly legal.
When the DoD or MoD say 'none unaccounted for'; expect several dead.
The 'Elite Republican Guard' is really any civilians the americans shoot and kill, and then posthumously decide are republican guard. They of course, can back up these claims as while the cameramen weren't watching the newbie of the commando team writes 'Eleet Gruad' in crayon on their shirts.

Protests in America:
In an effort to confuse the public, the American administration pays off thousands of civilians to make a 'Pro-War march'. This coincides with an Anti-War march; all of a sudden everyone gets confused and goes home to watch American Gladiators thanking God for giving them the choice to live in a 'Free Country'.

Oil Prices Rise:
"Whoopee, lets kill some more coalition forces" say exchange markets from around the world as the headline "Oil and Gold prices increase as coalition casualties rise" is announced.

And some final words for those who were switching between the Oscars and your local 24 hour new channel last night, aka "I made this one up earlier":
"Tom Cruise missile found ineffective due to short range".