No motherfucking christmas fucking haikus this year. Christmas is a vast festering bowl of fucking puss.

Instead I shall be carrying out santarchy. Simply put on a santa outfit, leave all forms of identification at home and stick a few hundred quids bail money in your hat. Depart for town and perform random acts of retail terrorism (such as handing out free gifts to children) until the yorkshire police "shop squad" arrest you. When you get arrested, say nothing, wait 24 hours, and bail yourself out with the cash.

Santarchy, fuckers
Is all you'll get for christmas
Go to fucking hell.