I miss Judge Ruffneck. Not in an I-want-to-spawn-his-children way but in a he's-been-a-huge-part-of-my-life-for-five-years-and-now-he's-not way.

It's been a month now and I've got loads I want to tell him, about people/felines we know and our old haunts, but he won't answer my phone calls or messages, or even the door when I go around to his house bearing cake.

I just want him to talk to me, even if it is just to tell me why he is *so* pissed off, because I think we could and should still be good friends, and I want to use his catchphrases without feeling sad.

The cats are trying to take his place, with their little spiked black fur, but try as they might (and for all you people know, do), they can't quite hold the cigarettes with their paws.

*sigh*

Please do not adjust your set - normal transmission will be resumed in 3...2...1