I went to a comic fair on Saturday, not especially for the merchandise but for the boost to my self-esteem. When I entered the hall, the waves of body odour splashing over me made me realise that I was the Fonz and at least half of the people in the room were Pottsies. I was COOL. Hell, I would have still been at least Chachi even if I had been wearing custard-stained wash-day clothes and a "Meatloaf ROCKS!" day-glo badge.

Of course, upon leaving the arena and re-entering "reality", I instantly lost my cool because my phone wasn't the right shade of chrome and I hadn't spent three hundred pounds on some Burberry socks. I was back to Ralph Malph status once again.