Want to buy a "Penis Enlargement Enlarger Extender" but don't know if it will really work? Why not try this one? You don't just have to take the beardy white coat guy's word for it, or even just the geniune quotes from the genuine English buyers - because you can ask all the previous buyers too: http://feedback.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedback&userid=qualitygoods_de

One of the previous buyers, fabshortstuff, obviously didn't rate it that highly because a month later he bought one of these and sold two pairs of sexy short-shorts, possibly because he wasn't packing enough to fill them out.

I heart ebay. The next feature I want in "my ebay" is to be able to play a version of the "six degrees of Kevin Bacon" game to find out how many ebay steps I am from someone who bought a penis enlargermatron. With my history of selling dodgy Bon Jovi cds on there, I'm guessing it would be less than three.

The reporter went on to say the terrorists may resort to other methods of suicide attack such as strapping the explosive round their waist and running towards some Americans or using other methods of transport such as donkeys.

Things brings up one question. Do they do explosive belts for fat terrorists?

I also have an image of a terrorist strapped with explosives riding on a donkey towards a tank.

Watch this space. It will happen. I have seen the future.

A quote from Matt Stone: "I read this news report recently that, when they were storming Fallujah, some of the Cyclops operations who play music from their tanks to freak everyone out actually played "America, Fuck Yeah!" That completed my year. The joke was complete."

Beautiful.

They must have some sort of iq test in order to get into this outfit, just to make sure you're dumb enough to walk into certain death.

"What? Do I want to go to the Triangle of Death. Fuck yeh! where do I sign up?"

Generally speaking, in my own experience, I find people dress smartly only when they aren’t as good as they need to be. This seems to doubly apply in the field of IT.

That isn’t to say scruffy people are immediately capable.

(Upon normalising the above, you get: “humans aren’t generally as good as they need to be”.)

Dell seem not as stupid as I had first hoped. I ordered four VGA projectors for 20 each on Sunday from their website. I received a confirmation later that day but as of an hour ago my order has disappeared from their tracking web site. I ignored the clauses in their terms and conditions that suggested they were able to change civil and criminal law on a whim in the hope they’d process the order automatically before noticing. I guess ten million other people also placed an order, immediately arousing their suspicion circuits.

I checked into the uk consumer protection laws and they seem to suggest they’d have to honour the deal, but in practice this has been proved otherwise. In their favour: 20 is a far cry from 900 and apparently this proves I knew the price was incorrect (along with this blog entry :). In my favour: the item was on sale, which may have led me to believe the ultra low pricing was just a price war with Dabs.com. I’d also be much more likely to win them over if I could rally together all the other people whose orders vanished and organise some kind of class action effort. The publicity alone might work. It was worth a shot, nevermind. I might call them up anyway, just for shits and giggles.

Anyway, they’ve lost my 80 quid haven’t they. Losers.

• Toothpaste (mostly empty, crusted around the cap, "Fresh Stripe")
• Condensation
• "Shavers only!"
• Towel (on floor)
• Specks of dried blood in the basin
• Small black curly hairs
• Cardboard tubes (these can be used in the construction of various Blue Peter projects. Also crack pipes)
• Soggy paper with wetted out biro messages
• Bottole of scotch (in the cistern)
• "Fresh and Invigorating"
• Body, on tiles, wrapped in towel. Breathing slowly.